Ditch the Carrot, Lose the Stick
A few years ago, I had a potential client—let’s call her Helen—who always seemed on the verge of beginning her fitness journey. We exchanged several emails, held a promising Zoom call about her past history, goals and potential barriers, and she conveyed genuine enthusiasm about working together. But when it came time to commit, Helen would vanish. Months later, she’d apologise for the silence and lack of response, and we’d start over with the same plan and excitement. Yet each time, the outcome was the same: she never followed through.
I might have been at fault as a salesperson, or perhaps naive to keep restarting the process, but this pattern continued for 12 to 18 months.
It wasn’t about ability or resources—Helen assured me finances and time weren’t obstacles to starting. What she lacked, as I eventually realised, was something more intangible: intrinsic motivation.
The Difference Between Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation
Extrinsic Motivation is driven by external factors. Think of it as the “carrot and stick” approach - rewards, praise, status, or sometimes pressure and guilt. This might look like an individual joining a gym because their partner insists, or chasing a weight-loss goal to be the centre of attention at the upcoming Christmas party.
Intrinsic Motivation, on the other hand, arises from within. It’s about enjoying the process, valuing the experience for it’s own sake, and finding personal meaning in the activity. A classic example is the runner who just loves the rhythm of their feet on the pavement, bringing them joy, or the swimmer who craves the quiet or the early-morning underwater laps.
It’s often said you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. In Helen’s case, she came to the well - searched myself out as a coach, sent an email enquiry, scheduled a Zoom call, took time out of her day to attend - yet she never drank. Why?
My biggest guess is she didn’t have a strong enough internal “why”. She had a vague sense of “I should do this”, but it wasn’t personally meaningful enough to tip the balance.
Intrinsic motivation is the difference between a fleeting spark of interest, enough to arrange a phone call or follow-up an email, and a sustained flame that see’s you through the process. Regardless of whether it’s in the realms of health and fitness or some alternative, when you genuinely want to learn, grow, or participate in an activity for its own enjoyment or personal importance, you’re far more likely to stick with it.
How Do We Cultivate Intrinsic Motivation
Identify Your “Why”
This concept has been repeated through a number of the IFT Edge articles, but its value can’t be overstated. Instead of “I should lose weight” or “I should go to the gym,” ask yourself what really resonates. What is the actual pain-point you’re suffering from. Maybe you want more energy to play with children or grandchildren, maybe by reducing your levels of stress, increasing your resilience to exercise, you’re able to sleep better. Linking health and fitness to a personal goal or value strengths your commitment to that cause.
2. Focus on the Process
This takes a shift in mindset away from “I have to burn X calories” towards “I enjoy feeling stronger and more energetic, and these behaviours help me get there”. Celebrate the small achievements - like lifting a weight that felt lighter than last time, running a bit farther for the same perceived effort, or reaching a milestone ahead of time on a weight loss journey. Process-orientated goals foster a sense of accomplishment every step of the way.
3. Find Activities You Love
Another point that bares repeating, if you hate running, don’t force yourself onto the treadmill every day. Become exercise agnostic. Explore different forms of movement - dance, rock climb, swim, take a Yoga or Pilates class - and see what sparks joy in you. Intrinsic motivation flourishes in those moments when you’re actually doing what you enjoy doing.
4. Set Realistic Goals.
Lofty, immediate targets quickly become discouraging when attempts are failed. Aim for gradual, manageable progress that builds your confidence in time. Intrinsic motivation thrives on consistent, positive experiences rather than pressure or fear of failure.
5. Take the Time to Reflect on Position Outcomes
Be aware. Maybe you notice you’re less stress after a work, or you get a better nights sleep on days in which you exercise. These internal rewards reinforce repeated behaviour. Over time, you may even actually look forward to exercise and how it makes you feel, not just for a number on a scale.
When External Motivation Helps - And When It Doesn’t
External motivators aren’t inherently bad. They play fundamental role in why we do, what we do as humans. They can be great to kickstart a journey or behaviour change, and they provide clear accountability of how success we are against our gaols and targets. Some individuals sign up for a charity run to raise money, or join a friendly weight-loss challenge at work. These tactics can spark action surprising amount of action depending on personality type, but to truly sustain progress once the challenge or event has passes, it’s essential to cultivate a deeper, personal connection to what you’re doing this for.
Helen’s story reminds us that until you have that personal “why,” until the goal resonates at a deeper level, change will remain elusive. If a world that often says “you should”, real behaviour change and transformation begins when you start to say, “I want to, and here’s why.”
So if you’ve found yourself in a similar loop - eager to start but never moving past just dipping your toes into the water - take a moment to look inward. Ask yourself what truly matters, and let that be your anchor. Because once health and fitness becomes more than a box to tick or a guilt-driven obligation to others, it turns into something you choose to do. And that choice is what carries you for the long haul.