Discovering Your “Why”
I had a conversation this week with a potential new remote client who was clearly frustrated.
The frustration stemmed from a cycle of starting a fitness routine only to abandon it a few weeks later once initial motivation had waned and the early novelty had worn off. They’d had gym memberships previously, they’d tried small-group training, CrossFit, and had even briefly had a Personal Trainer in a big-box gym.
“I just don’t seem to be able to make anything stick”, they admitted.
My response: “What is it that you truly want to change?”
Even through Zoom they looked puzzled.
“I guess I’ve never though about it that deeply, I just keeping trying the next thing to see if that works for me,” they replied.
Many of us, regardless of age, embark on health and fitness journeys without pausing to explore our true motivations. We chase goals that look impressive on paper but lack personal resonance. In doing so, we often find ourselves virtue signalling—adopting behaviours and habits we believe others expect of us, rather than what we genuinely desire.
When I decided to start Integrative Fitness Training as a sole business owner, I very early on had a revelation: my university education had failed me in a crucial way.
That might sound dramatic, but I stand by it. Throughout my undergraduate and postgraduate studies, the focus was on creating performance environments, crafting periodised training plans for specific sports, and understanding the nuances of nutrition’s impact on muscle growth and body composition. Yet, almost no time was dedicated to what matters far more: understanding why we do what we do.
Why do some individuals find the gym to be a rewarding experience that becomes a cornerstone habit in their lives?
Why do some maintain a stable body weight year-after-year without obsessing over every meal?
Why do some relish new challenges while others struggle to muster even a spark of motivation?
Let’s take a moment to delve into essential questions that can illuminate our true motivations and pave the way for lasting change.
Identify the Behaviour You Want to Change or Adopt.
Think of this as pinpointing your destination on a map before starting a journey. Without knowing where you’re headed, any road is likely to lead you astray. Perhaps you want to adopt a more active lifestyle, reduce stress through a mindfulness practice, or make healthier food choices. Whilst they’re admirable goals, be specific.
What is it that you actually want…
Take all comparison out of the equation. Be honest with yourself.
Understanding exactly what you want provides clarity. It’s like adjusting the lens of a camera or a telescope to bring the subject into sharper focus.
2. Why Is This Change Important to You?
This question digs into the “why” behind the goal. Surface level reasons are unlikely to sustain you when challenges arise. Ask yourself: What drives this desire? Is it to have more energy to play with your children? To feel more confident in your own skin? To be more attractive to a spouse or partner? To improve health markers that you have concern with?
Apply no judgement. Connecting your goal to a personal value and desire that’s true to you, transforms it from a vague wish following social norms, into a meaningful pursuit that is true to who you are, and what you want to become. It’s the difference between climbing a mountain because someone told you to and climbing it because you’re desperate to see how your perspective is changed when you see the view from the summit.
3. What Benefits Do You Expect from Making This Change?
Is a six-pack going to radically change your life? Will lifting 150kg in a Back Squat make you more likeable to your friends? Does going from a size 18 to a size 12 mean your bank balance is going to double?
Envision the ripples that achieving your goal will actually have. What do they represent?
Beyond the immediate outcome, what positive changes do you anticipate? Improved mood, better sleep, enhanced relationships in your life?
For instance, adopting a regular exercise routine is likely to boost your physical health, but it could also help in reducing stress, leading to more patience and better interactions with loved ones. Recognising these ripples can greatly bolster your short and long-term motivation, serving as a compelling reminder that the effort is so much more worthwhile that what may appear to be surface outcome.
4. How Will This Change Positively Impact Your Life?
This question goes a step further, inviting you to imagine the broader impact on your life. It’s about painting a vivid picture of your future self.
An individual who joins a class-based gym to lower her blood pressure discovers benefits beyond the medical. She alleviates her family’s worries about her health, travels with newfound confidence, and re-engages in activities she once loved but had found challenging. Yes, her blood pressure decreases, but more importantly, she regains control and freedom over her decisions.
5. On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Important Is This Change to You?
Assigning a numerical value forces honesty. An individual truthful enough to rate the importance of a goal as a seven or below, is likely indicating that this isn’t overly significant to them, or external pressures are at play.
Likewise a score of ten isn’t always a leading indicator that someone is fully committed to achieving a goal, often it’s an individual who doesn’t fully appreciate either the complexity of the goal, or the likely barriers that may be at play in reaching the intended outcome.
However, understanding the true importance helps you to prioritise your efforts. It’s like triaging tasks at work - you focus on what’s most critical. A high score is telling yourself, a coach, and the world that this change deserves your immediate attention, this is your primary focus, and your energy and resources are being directed towards this.
6. On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Confident Are You in Your Ability to Make This Change?
Confidence is a key ingredient in the recipe for success. Whilst a low score doesn’t spell doom, it could be an individual embarking on a health and fitness goal that could require radical transformation or time commitment, but it does highlight areas needing reinforcement. It might indicate the need for support from a coach or trainer, additional resources or education, or a more gradual approach to test the waters as to the feasibility of achieving the goal.
Think of confidence as the fuel in your car. You need enough to reach your destination, as well as a buffer to account for anything unexpected that may occur. But if the tank is low, consider what can fill it - perhaps you need more knowledge, practice, or encouragement from a support network.
7. What Factors Increase Your Confidence?
Identifying these factors turns abstract hope into actionable steps. It also helps individuals to recognise that they are not alone, no individual is an island. Maybe having a workout buddy boosts your confidence to commit to something long-term, or perhaps taking your larger overall goal and setting smaller, incremental goals makes the process feel more manageable.
For example, setting a target of running a marathon on 2025 may feel completely daunting and out of dept. However, taking that same target and systematically targeting 5km, 10km, and half marathons, enables confidence to grow as the distance increases. Maybe joining a running group, outsourcing the knowledge gap of writing a training programming, leaves you feeling clear-minded and confident that if you just show up to the session, you’ll reach your goal.
Bringing It All Together
When clients encounter these questions—like those on our intake forms at IFT—they might see them as mere boxes to tick. But they’re not. They’re tools for introspection, encouraging you to look inward and uncover your authentic motivations. This self-awareness becomes your guiding compass, leading you through obstacles and barriers, keeping you aligned with the true reasons you’re here—why you keep showing up, and let’s be honest, why you continue to invest in a gym membership, group class, or coach.
It’s much like a seasoned gardener tending to a diverse array of plants. Understanding the specific needs of each plant - sunlight, water, soil types - allows them to thrive. Similarly, understanding your individual motivations and challenges enables you to cultivate habits that do eventually flourish.
Final Reflections
Change isn’t always easy. It demands effort, resilience, and, mostly importantly, a clear honesty and understanding of why you’re embarking on this journey. By exploring these questions, you equip yourself with genuine insights that transform abstract goal, that may not even be your own, into concrete plans infused with purpose.
So, take a quiet moment with yourself. Reflect on these questions, not as a task but as a conversation with your inner self. Allow the answers to surface naturally, place no judgement, let them guide your next steps.
After all, the most meaningful journeys begin with a single, intentional step - rooted in a genuine self-understanding, propelled by a purpose that is true to you.